i thought

that i would see you sometime today

i have never gone to bed like this before-

where are you, and are you OK?

see you in the distance

want to come find you

but i am obligated to be HERE.

keep thinking i hear you, want for all to be as it was yesterday- arms around me, arms around you, tender.

there is something missing, sara, something ...

at the same time, i feel like i have to describe something to you- something being ME--

@ most given points, i see things from multiple perspectives-- which can be very overwhelming and confusing at the same time- it's hard to make decisions like that, it's hard to even look at my own self without seeing two or three images of what i look like from any given angle-- i often feel like i am floating above, looking down on myself.. i ground myself through work-- through depth of connection, through concentration, through manifestation-- and at the SAME TIME i am CONSTANTLY distracted--

today sucked.

you told me to go fuck myself.

told me you "were sick" of my "shit".

that's fine.. i guess, if you want to be like the 10's of thousands of other people who talk to each other like that.. sure, we all get to that point where we just say stuff, where we (i) slam a pot down in the sink and say "WHAT?!" when someone says your (my) name.. but when you walk out- and don't come back-- then what? there is that fine line that we all touch on.. and then there is that point of deciding whether or not ot come back.

there is this place i am in too.. if you sincerely want to help me--then help me. i want to help you and am doing my best--tell me how to do more.

and lets see what happens.. until then, Sara, do what you can=make art and music sleep and eat and find your SELF.

i have always loved you.

& i always will.