to love sara

to love sara-
means loving her mother
loving her father
loving all of the people who have been loving her this whole time..
to love sara means being honest.

i have loved sara
i do love sara
and
loving sara
does not guarantee that sara feels loved...

"i cant see her, and it just brings me down.."

kissing you good night.

miss you more than you will let me say..

i am so sad it is this way......

living behind shadows....

ouch

to love sara today means letting go completely.
means living with her but without her.

everything hurts.

find it

she

finds

things

find things..

miss

miss
birthday girl
miss
amsterdam
miss
adventure
miss
4 am
miss
question mark.


miss you
miss

bringin' out the big guns

we had to bring out the big guns for sara's birthday this year- it is the last year of her twenties, you know-

so we saved up-

and sent her spinning for her first OE..

Sara just found out last night that she will be in Amsterdam by monday (tomorrow) morning--

she's scared and overwhelmed and maybe a little bit shell shocked- but she's on the plane now,

and in just a few hours, she will be in the loving arms of her friend Lake- and they will make their way through Amsterdam clubs cafes and bars over the next three weeks playing music together!!

hooray for the muscle that gives strength to love and magic!

from a distance

pretty smile-love the look of the two of us-

and the thought of vacation.

lately i feel like it has been easier to love you from a distance though- maybe it's me, maybe it's just what is- maybe i feel a little pushed.

i hear you saying you need more

you need a room

a place all your own

i hear you say that you feel lost

that you aren't feeling well

and that your life costs too much.

i want to fix it.

i want to give you a remedy.

my breath

my efforts

i want them to be enough.

and i want what i want too-

do you hear me?

do you hear me saying i need more silence in my day?

i yearn for joy and ease and laughter

that i crave and miss spontaneity

and yet i want to give myself to my responsibilities because i want to grow.

i want to grow.

i want to evolve out of this place

and wake up and find myself

somewhere else.

i will be patient

but i need silence

less distraction.

when we are apart, i miss you.

i think of you, touching you, loving you- and

more- and it feels good and right and real.

and when we are together lately, i feel a stiffness between us. an awkward resistance- an uncomfortable longing, fear, and frustration- and i realize, it may be me...

i know you love me

i believe that like i believe my own age and my own name.

I know i love you

like i know that i am a mother

and that i am a woman

and that i am here.

i don't know what else to say.

i love you- and i miss you too- more than you know.

are you scared?

just know I love you.

& we will see what happens next...